Did you know that looking your best as a woman is a spiritual perfection? Since the first woman was created by God for the first man, it’s natural and good for women to want to please their husbands. Passionist priest Fr. Godfrey Paige delves into this timeless truth in this excerpt from his 1949 book When the Honeymoon’s Over.
Look Your Best
A wife should make it a point to look her best before her husband rather than before other men. Yet so many wives become sloppy in their attire around the house and within a very few years become, not a vision, but a sight. A woman never fails to put on her best for a party or a show. . . . But why wait for these rare occasions?
If your husband likes the effect that you achieve with lipstick or rouge, let him see you that way always. When he is pleased to see you in a skirt and peasant blouse, make a note to buy another outfit something like it. Always keep yourself the girl he married.
But beware of extremes. In worrying over hem lines and trying to get glamor out of bottles, jars, and tubes, too many wives only get on their husband’s nerves. Men have little patience with all the creaming, curling, and combing that beauticians advise and are likely to fly off the handle if that ritual keeps them waiting on a date or makes their wives positively unidentifiable in light that isn’t too good.
Husbands in turn should pay attention to their grooming. The fact that they have put in a day’s work doesn’t exempt them from making themselves tidy in the evening. There’s nothing romantic or cultured about a man who lounges around the house in dirty, smelly clothes or sports several days of foliage on his chin. It takes only a little time to wash and shave, but it means so much to the wife and puts new life into the evening.
Some time ago an old man told me the secret, of his happy wedded life. “Though we married because we loved each other,” he said, “both of us realized that love is increased by pride in the loved one. So neither of us ever appeared at table or sat around the house less carefully dressed than during the days of our honeymoon. You might call this foolish vanity, but we considered it a manifestation of our love for one another. . . . And today I am prouder of my beautiful wife with her silver hair and gentle face than I was of the bride whose loveliness was the envy of my friends.”
So things like “company” manners . . . “company” clothes . . . and “company” dishes ought to be forgotten. The best that you have should be given to the one nearest your heart.
The husband’s most tender solicitude and greatest helpfulness should be shown to his wife. Her nicest dresses should be worn for his benefit. The supper table should be set each evening with the finest china you have, the most sparkling silver, and the cleanest linen. Always setting the best apart for others shows a lack of appreciation for one another and cuts down your chances for gracious living.
Act Your Best
In all such matters it becomes increasingly evident as the months of your marriage go by that your attitude toward one another is changing. He stops helping with the evening dishes and takes to listening to the sports review. She is late with the supper and gives no explanation. Obviously some coldness is creeping into your relationship . . . and neither of you may know what to do about it.
A little thought about the matter however will open your eyes to the fact that you are simply letting your attentions to one another wane with the excitement of your honeymoon. As soon as you said “I do,” you were thrown into the closest possible relationship with your beloved, and in the thrill of that con-tact you exerted your utmost to please. Little marks of affection and tributes of love came to the fore almost spontaneously. Now as you become accustomed to this new life together, the excitement is wearing off . . . and the attentions are becoming less frequent.
The sensible thing to do is deliberately to rekindle the first enthusiasm with the little courtesies and affections that characterized the honeymoon. If you continue to give each other the same interest and attention that you gave in the first days of your married life, there is no reason why your honeymoon should ever end.
He can come home some night with a little candy or some flowers. It will give her a real thrill. And though his bread-and-butter complex will tell him that such things are a waste of money, it is always better to lose cash than love.
She on her part can prepare a special supper instead of a combination of canned goods. Decorating the table or baking won’t break her back, and it will bring smiles of contentment to his face.
He can suggest more dates together, and she can show her appreciation for these outings by increased thoughtfulness for him at home … like having the evening paper folded and waiting for him when he gets home from work.
Each should be quick to express gratitude for what the other does or has done. “That was a grand supper, dear . . .” or “You certainly showed me a good time tonight.” Always let your partner know that you are grateful.
A husband should moreover tell his wife about his work, his hopes, and his disappointments. She should listen, soothe, sympathize, and subtly flatter him with that “you’re wonderful darling” look.
If either has had a bad day, they might follow the arrangement one young couple found for avoiding trouble. If he was out of sorts, he would come home with his hat well over on the left side of his head. If she was upset, she would put her apron on backward. Each respected the other’s danger signal, and peace abode in their home.
Thank you to Leane VanderPutten for posting this excerpt on her blog, Catholic Finer Femininity!
Further reading
- 16 Patron Saints for Mothers — great wives and mothers among the saints, for a look at holy models of home life
- Defense of the Large Family by Pope Pius XII — Pope Pius XII on embracing Providence and staying true to the vocation of marriage and family
- Pray All Day: 13 Simple Ways to Increase Your Spiritual Life — simple ways to keep a spiritual life going amid the busyness of running a home
